Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 5

Lovin’ Type Five: Let me look that up

Who needs Google when you’ve got an Enneagram 5 Investigator in the room? This week’s summer tour finds the 5 diligently showing up for their PSA and striving to master journaling … while journaling.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Do you love research? Are you a fan of diving into a topic and becoming the expert? Would you rather be off in your garage or office working on your latest project instead of emotionally connecting with others?

Is your worst fear being beholden to others’ expectations, demands, and desires?

If so, welcome to the land of the 5. Drama arises when you have to navigate the world of people, social norms and emotions – when all you really want to do is dive into the hobby, contraption, or intriguing idea that’s captured your attention.

Consider that the people in your world don’t want to rob you of your energy, but actually just want to connect with you – and experience your brilliance. What if, instead of ghosting them to get time alone, you practiced telling them when you’ll get back to them? And then doing so. A little focused quality time with you may be all they need – and may inspire, rather than drain, your personal time.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

The 5’s emotional disconnection, and physical absence, can lead us to invent stories about their motivations. And stories mean drama.

To drama-proof life or work with a 5, accept their occasional disappearing acts, and don’t take it personally. Honor the 5’s need for time and space to work, dream, and create.

If you live or work with a 5, check in with them. Ask if they need more time for projects – and ask to reconnect. Just because 5’s keep their feelings to themselves doesn’t mean they don’t feel. If you put boundaries around the quality time you spend with a 5, they can relax enough to let you into their brilliant mind and beautiful heart.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Five check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 4

Lovin’ Type Four: Nothing Really Matters At All…

And now for something completely different: On this week’s summer tour we hear from the Enneagram 4 Individualist – that creative, romantic, authentic and insightful member of our team who is not afraid to look at the shadowy side of life …

IF THIS IS YOU:

No one does existential angst – and lives to tell about it in a way that moves us, inspires us, and tickles our funny bones – like you, my dear 4. You dive into the shadows, and when you emerge we benefit from your insights and your art. The ability to see and feel deeply is a gift, but can also be a curse: the root of the internal drama you may be struggling with.

4’s don’t just feel strong emotions, you often get stuck in them. As master storytellers, the tales you tell about loss, loneliness, and the one that got away can rival Shakespearean tragedies – and keep you searching for storm clouds even when the day is bright and sunny.

What if, instead, you could be an audience member to your own story rather than writer, actor, director? What if you could witness from a safer distance as you turn a comedy into a tragedy, or a romance into a horror?

Instead of keeping difficult emotions alive through internal storytelling, what if you could let the wave of that emotion move through you and vanish? All it takes is 90 seconds.

According to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, it takes just a minute and a half to identify an emotion – which you’re very good at! – and ride it to dissipation. Internal storytelling has its place, and can reveal deep truths – but it can also keep the wave endlessly crashing, with you trapped against the rocks.

Just think what you could do with all that extra time to create and connect, energized and engaged!

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Fours are interesting, unique individuals who will be so real and honest with us it can be disarming. They won’t let you get away with superficiality or subtle disregard. They can withdraw or go dark and moody, leaving us to wonder where they went and why they left.

Their existential angst can be quite dramatic – and draining.

To drama-proof your relationships with 4s, be authentic. If you are struggling, nobody can help you navigate the shadows like a 4. If you sense they are pulling away or growing quiet and moody, check in and see if there’s anything you can do to support them. Let them talk and process their emotions and don’t try to fix the situation – especially with platitudes. Don’t take their angst and moodiness personally; simply support them as they traverse the shadows, and help them celebrate the light that’s shining in them, and on them, right now.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Four check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 3

Lovin’ Type Three: How to Thrive in a Global Pandemic

Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow… and you’re probably chasing a 3 on your team! On this week’s summer tour we hear from the Enneagram Three Achiever – a type I know a little bit about, since it’s my own – and discover ways we can reduce the internal drama and increase the compassion with these high-driving types.

IF THIS IS YOU:

The drive to achieve is admirable, and, it can be a way to escape ooey gooey emotions and relationships.

Rest is hard for 3s. We love to collect the next gold star because we conflate our identity and worth with our achievements. So when we can’t escape failure, fear that we’re not worthy manifests as comparison, competition and ego. You may not see it through my mask of success, but it can be very dramatic in here.

As a 3 myself, it’s easy to feel healthy when everything’s going well and I’m crossing off my to-do list. The true test of my growth, however, is when I bump up against the internal drama of failure, loss, or rejection. This is my chance to drama-proof my life: Stay unattached to outcomes and practice authenticity and self-love in the moment.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Sometimes it can seem like we don’t really know the 3s in our world. When everything is always “So great!” for them, it can be intimidating – and challenging – to connect in an authentic way. It can also be hard to get on their calendar – because it’s usually full. Try not to take it personally.

Instead, can you be compassionate about the fact that 3s feel they have to perform to be loved, worthy and accepted? What if you were a safe place for them to practice knowing they are worthy just as they are?  

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Three check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!