Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 9

Lovin’ Type Nine: It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Fall is officially here, and as we close out our Summer Lovin’ series, we look to our Enneagram 9 Peacemaker friends. Often called the crown of the Enneagram, these grounded, spiritual types avoid conflict like the plague, and in doing so, can create even more of it.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Connection to your people – friends, family, team – drives you. Their happiness keeps the connection strong, so any of your desires, requests, questions or comments that might be disruptive are often left unsaid.

This lopsided happiness works until it doesn’t. Eventually, drama ensues because there can be no true connection if one person – you – isn’t showing up fully.

To drama-proof your life, what if you practiced checking in with yourself after meetings or at the end of the day? Simply ask yourself: “Was there anything I felt, thought, or wanted to consider in that conversation, but did not say?”

If so, take a moment to think about the impact of your silence, both now and in the future. Does the absence of your truth create long-term harmony – or threaten it?

If the latter, consider writing a quick note requesting a further conversation or offering your thoughts. This will move you through the immobilizing fear of conflict into action – and create the space for the powerful insights, multi-faceted observations and grounded solutions only you can bring to the table.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Underneath the appeasing nature of your 9 friend, partner or colleague, there can be a frustrating stubbornness that creates more drama than either one of you might care to admit.

The 9 can be so averse to perceived conflict that they withhold even the simplest of requests and avoid conversations that might require changes in life or work.

What if, instead of getting louder when they get softer, you took a moment to calmly share how their instinctual silence and acquiescence impacts your connection to them? What if you brainstormed ways the two of you could partner in creating a safe space for them to share their truth? And what if, every time the 9 in your world was brave enough to be honest you honored their voice, and celebrated their courage?

You’ll remind the 9 you’re in the same boat, even, and especially, when it’s rocking.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 9 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 8

Lovin’ Type Eight: In Pursuit of the Truth

You know that person you love to follow, but are loathe to cross? They may just be an Enneagram 8 Challenger.

On this week’s tour, we challenge our perceptions of these strong, intense types – and drama-proof our relationships as a result!

IF THIS IS YOU:

As an 8, you may already feel like you know how to drama-proof your life: Never. Trust. People. They lie, they manipulate, they’re weak or scattered or ramble on and on…

The only way to protect yourself is to make sure your armor is in place – the armor of strength, judgment, command, action. But even with your armor on, you may find that drama still follows you: The tougher you are on the outside, the more people become guarded and wary around you – and the cycle of conflict continues.

I challenge you to try something different: What if you owned your huge heart and the tough exterior you present to protect it? What if you let your team know that what is most important to you is honesty – right away? And what if you shared that it in the absence of truthful, straightforward communication, you assume you’re being manipulated – your biggest fear? Together, you could create a communication plan with even the most conflict-avoidant members of your team, so that everyone – including you! – feels safe and connected.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

What stories have you told yourself about the 8s in your world? “They don’t like or respect me.” “They’re scary and intimidating.” “They’re testing me.”

As someone married to an 8, I clearly appreciate the strength, courage, leadership and protection these types provide when you’re in their tribe. I love their straightforward communication and knowing exactly where I stand.

Drama-proofing life or work with these powerful types means building – or, at times, rebuilding – trust with them:

1. Do not take their four primary emotions – anger, irritation, frustration and disdain – personally. For the most part, an 8’s intensity isn’t about you personally – it’s a default response in the face of frustration or threat. But if an 8 is in fact irritated with you, it may be because:
2. 8s just want the truth. They CAN handle the truth. This is what makes them trust you and feel safe and in control.
3. When you tell an 8 your truth, do not use the sandwich approach, no matter how much you personally enjoy it (as I do). To an 8, softening a blow means you think they’re weak and need protection from hard realities. And roundabout communication violates Rule #4:
4. Get to your point. Quickly. I’d love to explain more, but… enough said.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 8 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 7

Lovin’ Type Seven: How to dance with myself!

With one eye always on the next adventure, Enneagram 7s are the world’s explorers. They are fun, creative and inspiring… as long as no one tampers with their freedom!

On this week’s tour, discover ways to help a 7 keep kicking up their heels – instead of stomping them.

IF THIS IS YOU:

If freedom is the name of your game, then anything – or anyone – that makes you feel trapped is grounds for a fight, right?

When you are up against a “no” in life – no more vacation days, no access to the mountains, no choice in the matter – you might feel as if the walls are closing in on your happy-go-lucky self.

What if, instead of shouting “You’re not the boss of me!”, you paused, took a breath, and settled into the present moment? You aren’t actually trapped, and you don’t have to react as if you are. You always have choices. Consider replacing “Why can’t I have what I want?” with “What options do I have? What creative possibilities are hidden in these new circumstances?”

You are gifted and innovative, and your out-of-the-box thinking may create a breakthrough that surprises even you!

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Life with a 7, whether in the boardroom or the bedroom, can be tons of fun – until it isn’t. Until you want to have the hard conversation they’d rather avoid. Or you want space from a conflict and they can’t let it go until it’s resolved. Or until you admit you are exhausted… from the constant ideas, movement, trips, plans, and the flurry of activity.

To drama-proof life with a 7, understand that their sense of freedom energizes them. If you need to resolve a difficult dynamic, what if you plan a fun adventure afterwards? Or have that “dreaded” meeting outside, on a socially distanced hike?

If you are in a conflict with a 7 and need a break, consider giving them the exact day and time you will resolve the issue. They won’t love this, but they will at least know there is an expiration date to the anxiety and unhappiness they’re currently experiencing.

If you are overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of ideas, energy and enthusiasm that a 7 in your world possesses, remember that – for a 7 – the dreaming is half the fun. You don’t need to judge or act on every idea or inspiration that flows from the 7’s fertile mind. Pick one adventure you can share together, and enjoy.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 7 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 6

Lovin’ Type Six: But what if… ?

You know that person in your life who is always there for you with a smile, support, and a gentle, but persistent… “What if?” What if you don’t get the job? Or that fabulous marketing idea doesn’t work? What if a global pandemic strikes and people lose access to essentials?

This week’s summer tour takes a peek behind the work-from-home curtain of the Enneagram 6 where we discover their greatest drama today comes from the uncertainty of tomorrow.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Who needs drama with other people when it’s already inside your mind every day? As an Enneagram 6 you may struggle with anxiety as you foresee negative scenarios unfolding with each decision you make.

Drama-proofing for you requires slowing the swirl of doubts, skepticism and fear in your mind. Write it all down, talk it out with a friend, partner, or therapist – and leverage your troubleshooting superpowers to flesh out real-world responses to each concern.  You’ll see that, no matter what the future holds, you’ll be able to handle it – and you’ll be held by your community.

In fact, it is your troubleshooting superpowers that make you such a valued member of any team! We can trust you to take good care of us.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

The first step in drama-proofing your relationship with an Enneagram 6 is to remind yourself that their skepticism, doubt and worry is not about you!

Notice when you are getting irritated or impatient with a 6 who can’t make up their mind, or who repeats the same concerns over and over again or insists that the new idea you’re proposing could never work. Instead of trying to fix the problem for them or sugarcoat what could go wrong with positivity, what if you “went there” with them? What if you asked them what they would do in that worst-case scenario? Or if they make the “wrong” decision, how they would resolve it?

In doing so, you are not only drama-proofing your relationship by being truly supportive, but you are also validating and helping to resolve their swirl of worry. And that is the greatest gift you can give them!

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 6 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!