Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 9

Lovin’ Type Nine: It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Fall is officially here, and as we close out our Summer Lovin’ series, we look to our Enneagram 9 Peacemaker friends. Often called the crown of the Enneagram, these grounded, spiritual types avoid conflict like the plague, and in doing so, can create even more of it.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Connection to your people – friends, family, team – drives you. Their happiness keeps the connection strong, so any of your desires, requests, questions or comments that might be disruptive are often left unsaid.

This lopsided happiness works until it doesn’t. Eventually, drama ensues because there can be no true connection if one person – you – isn’t showing up fully.

To drama-proof your life, what if you practiced checking in with yourself after meetings or at the end of the day? Simply ask yourself: “Was there anything I felt, thought, or wanted to consider in that conversation, but did not say?”

If so, take a moment to think about the impact of your silence, both now and in the future. Does the absence of your truth create long-term harmony – or threaten it?

If the latter, consider writing a quick note requesting a further conversation or offering your thoughts. This will move you through the immobilizing fear of conflict into action – and create the space for the powerful insights, multi-faceted observations and grounded solutions only you can bring to the table.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Underneath the appeasing nature of your 9 friend, partner or colleague, there can be a frustrating stubbornness that creates more drama than either one of you might care to admit.

The 9 can be so averse to perceived conflict that they withhold even the simplest of requests and avoid conversations that might require changes in life or work.

What if, instead of getting louder when they get softer, you took a moment to calmly share how their instinctual silence and acquiescence impacts your connection to them? What if you brainstormed ways the two of you could partner in creating a safe space for them to share their truth? And what if, every time the 9 in your world was brave enough to be honest you honored their voice, and celebrated their courage?

You’ll remind the 9 you’re in the same boat, even, and especially, when it’s rocking.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 9 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 8

Lovin’ Type Eight: In Pursuit of the Truth

You know that person you love to follow, but are loathe to cross? They may just be an Enneagram 8 Challenger.

On this week’s tour, we challenge our perceptions of these strong, intense types – and drama-proof our relationships as a result!

IF THIS IS YOU:

As an 8, you may already feel like you know how to drama-proof your life: Never. Trust. People. They lie, they manipulate, they’re weak or scattered or ramble on and on…

The only way to protect yourself is to make sure your armor is in place – the armor of strength, judgment, command, action. But even with your armor on, you may find that drama still follows you: The tougher you are on the outside, the more people become guarded and wary around you – and the cycle of conflict continues.

I challenge you to try something different: What if you owned your huge heart and the tough exterior you present to protect it? What if you let your team know that what is most important to you is honesty – right away? And what if you shared that it in the absence of truthful, straightforward communication, you assume you’re being manipulated – your biggest fear? Together, you could create a communication plan with even the most conflict-avoidant members of your team, so that everyone – including you! – feels safe and connected.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

What stories have you told yourself about the 8s in your world? “They don’t like or respect me.” “They’re scary and intimidating.” “They’re testing me.”

As someone married to an 8, I clearly appreciate the strength, courage, leadership and protection these types provide when you’re in their tribe. I love their straightforward communication and knowing exactly where I stand.

Drama-proofing life or work with these powerful types means building – or, at times, rebuilding – trust with them:

1. Do not take their four primary emotions – anger, irritation, frustration and disdain – personally. For the most part, an 8’s intensity isn’t about you personally – it’s a default response in the face of frustration or threat. But if an 8 is in fact irritated with you, it may be because:
2. 8s just want the truth. They CAN handle the truth. This is what makes them trust you and feel safe and in control.
3. When you tell an 8 your truth, do not use the sandwich approach, no matter how much you personally enjoy it (as I do). To an 8, softening a blow means you think they’re weak and need protection from hard realities. And roundabout communication violates Rule #4:
4. Get to your point. Quickly. I’d love to explain more, but… enough said.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 8 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 7

Lovin’ Type Seven: How to dance with myself!

With one eye always on the next adventure, Enneagram 7s are the world’s explorers. They are fun, creative and inspiring… as long as no one tampers with their freedom!

On this week’s tour, discover ways to help a 7 keep kicking up their heels – instead of stomping them.

IF THIS IS YOU:

If freedom is the name of your game, then anything – or anyone – that makes you feel trapped is grounds for a fight, right?

When you are up against a “no” in life – no more vacation days, no access to the mountains, no choice in the matter – you might feel as if the walls are closing in on your happy-go-lucky self.

What if, instead of shouting “You’re not the boss of me!”, you paused, took a breath, and settled into the present moment? You aren’t actually trapped, and you don’t have to react as if you are. You always have choices. Consider replacing “Why can’t I have what I want?” with “What options do I have? What creative possibilities are hidden in these new circumstances?”

You are gifted and innovative, and your out-of-the-box thinking may create a breakthrough that surprises even you!

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Life with a 7, whether in the boardroom or the bedroom, can be tons of fun – until it isn’t. Until you want to have the hard conversation they’d rather avoid. Or you want space from a conflict and they can’t let it go until it’s resolved. Or until you admit you are exhausted… from the constant ideas, movement, trips, plans, and the flurry of activity.

To drama-proof life with a 7, understand that their sense of freedom energizes them. If you need to resolve a difficult dynamic, what if you plan a fun adventure afterwards? Or have that “dreaded” meeting outside, on a socially distanced hike?

If you are in a conflict with a 7 and need a break, consider giving them the exact day and time you will resolve the issue. They won’t love this, but they will at least know there is an expiration date to the anxiety and unhappiness they’re currently experiencing.

If you are overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of ideas, energy and enthusiasm that a 7 in your world possesses, remember that – for a 7 – the dreaming is half the fun. You don’t need to judge or act on every idea or inspiration that flows from the 7’s fertile mind. Pick one adventure you can share together, and enjoy.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 7 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 6

Lovin’ Type Six: But what if… ?

You know that person in your life who is always there for you with a smile, support, and a gentle, but persistent… “What if?” What if you don’t get the job? Or that fabulous marketing idea doesn’t work? What if a global pandemic strikes and people lose access to essentials?

This week’s summer tour takes a peek behind the work-from-home curtain of the Enneagram 6 where we discover their greatest drama today comes from the uncertainty of tomorrow.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Who needs drama with other people when it’s already inside your mind every day? As an Enneagram 6 you may struggle with anxiety as you foresee negative scenarios unfolding with each decision you make.

Drama-proofing for you requires slowing the swirl of doubts, skepticism and fear in your mind. Write it all down, talk it out with a friend, partner, or therapist – and leverage your troubleshooting superpowers to flesh out real-world responses to each concern.  You’ll see that, no matter what the future holds, you’ll be able to handle it – and you’ll be held by your community.

In fact, it is your troubleshooting superpowers that make you such a valued member of any team! We can trust you to take good care of us.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

The first step in drama-proofing your relationship with an Enneagram 6 is to remind yourself that their skepticism, doubt and worry is not about you!

Notice when you are getting irritated or impatient with a 6 who can’t make up their mind, or who repeats the same concerns over and over again or insists that the new idea you’re proposing could never work. Instead of trying to fix the problem for them or sugarcoat what could go wrong with positivity, what if you “went there” with them? What if you asked them what they would do in that worst-case scenario? Or if they make the “wrong” decision, how they would resolve it?

In doing so, you are not only drama-proofing your relationship by being truly supportive, but you are also validating and helping to resolve their swirl of worry. And that is the greatest gift you can give them!

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram 6 check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 5

Lovin’ Type Five: Let me look that up

Who needs Google when you’ve got an Enneagram 5 Investigator in the room? This week’s summer tour finds the 5 diligently showing up for their PSA and striving to master journaling … while journaling.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Do you love research? Are you a fan of diving into a topic and becoming the expert? Would you rather be off in your garage or office working on your latest project instead of emotionally connecting with others?

Is your worst fear being beholden to others’ expectations, demands, and desires?

If so, welcome to the land of the 5. Drama arises when you have to navigate the world of people, social norms and emotions – when all you really want to do is dive into the hobby, contraption, or intriguing idea that’s captured your attention.

Consider that the people in your world don’t want to rob you of your energy, but actually just want to connect with you – and experience your brilliance. What if, instead of ghosting them to get time alone, you practiced telling them when you’ll get back to them? And then doing so. A little focused quality time with you may be all they need – and may inspire, rather than drain, your personal time.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

The 5’s emotional disconnection, and physical absence, can lead us to invent stories about their motivations. And stories mean drama.

To drama-proof life or work with a 5, accept their occasional disappearing acts, and don’t take it personally. Honor the 5’s need for time and space to work, dream, and create.

If you live or work with a 5, check in with them. Ask if they need more time for projects – and ask to reconnect. Just because 5’s keep their feelings to themselves doesn’t mean they don’t feel. If you put boundaries around the quality time you spend with a 5, they can relax enough to let you into their brilliant mind and beautiful heart.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Five check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 4

Lovin’ Type Four: Nothing Really Matters At All…

And now for something completely different: On this week’s summer tour we hear from the Enneagram 4 Individualist – that creative, romantic, authentic and insightful member of our team who is not afraid to look at the shadowy side of life …

IF THIS IS YOU:

No one does existential angst – and lives to tell about it in a way that moves us, inspires us, and tickles our funny bones – like you, my dear 4. You dive into the shadows, and when you emerge we benefit from your insights and your art. The ability to see and feel deeply is a gift, but can also be a curse: the root of the internal drama you may be struggling with.

4’s don’t just feel strong emotions, you often get stuck in them. As master storytellers, the tales you tell about loss, loneliness, and the one that got away can rival Shakespearean tragedies – and keep you searching for storm clouds even when the day is bright and sunny.

What if, instead, you could be an audience member to your own story rather than writer, actor, director? What if you could witness from a safer distance as you turn a comedy into a tragedy, or a romance into a horror?

Instead of keeping difficult emotions alive through internal storytelling, what if you could let the wave of that emotion move through you and vanish? All it takes is 90 seconds.

According to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, it takes just a minute and a half to identify an emotion – which you’re very good at! – and ride it to dissipation. Internal storytelling has its place, and can reveal deep truths – but it can also keep the wave endlessly crashing, with you trapped against the rocks.

Just think what you could do with all that extra time to create and connect, energized and engaged!

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Fours are interesting, unique individuals who will be so real and honest with us it can be disarming. They won’t let you get away with superficiality or subtle disregard. They can withdraw or go dark and moody, leaving us to wonder where they went and why they left.

Their existential angst can be quite dramatic – and draining.

To drama-proof your relationships with 4s, be authentic. If you are struggling, nobody can help you navigate the shadows like a 4. If you sense they are pulling away or growing quiet and moody, check in and see if there’s anything you can do to support them. Let them talk and process their emotions and don’t try to fix the situation – especially with platitudes. Don’t take their angst and moodiness personally; simply support them as they traverse the shadows, and help them celebrate the light that’s shining in them, and on them, right now.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Four check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 3

Lovin’ Type Three: How to Thrive in a Global Pandemic

Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow… and you’re probably chasing a 3 on your team! On this week’s summer tour we hear from the Enneagram Three Achiever – a type I know a little bit about, since it’s my own – and discover ways we can reduce the internal drama and increase the compassion with these high-driving types.

IF THIS IS YOU:

The drive to achieve is admirable, and, it can be a way to escape ooey gooey emotions and relationships.

Rest is hard for 3s. We love to collect the next gold star because we conflate our identity and worth with our achievements. So when we can’t escape failure, fear that we’re not worthy manifests as comparison, competition and ego. You may not see it through my mask of success, but it can be very dramatic in here.

As a 3 myself, it’s easy to feel healthy when everything’s going well and I’m crossing off my to-do list. The true test of my growth, however, is when I bump up against the internal drama of failure, loss, or rejection. This is my chance to drama-proof my life: Stay unattached to outcomes and practice authenticity and self-love in the moment.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Sometimes it can seem like we don’t really know the 3s in our world. When everything is always “So great!” for them, it can be intimidating – and challenging – to connect in an authentic way. It can also be hard to get on their calendar – because it’s usually full. Try not to take it personally.

Instead, can you be compassionate about the fact that 3s feel they have to perform to be loved, worthy and accepted? What if you were a safe place for them to practice knowing they are worthy just as they are?  

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Three check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 2

Lovin’ Type Two: How Can I Help?

Feeling the love? If you’ve got Enneagram Twos on your team, you most certainly are! On this week’s summer tour we hear from the Enneagram Two Helper, and discover ways we can reduce the drama and increase the LOVE with these generous types.

IF THIS IS YOU:

Acknowledge your amazing gifts to build community and help everyone all the time. Remember: Not everyone has your gifts to love people with such intensity, sensitivity and generosity. It’s NOT personal when that love doesn’t seem to come back to you.

To reduce the pain and drama in your life, practice replacing silent expectations of others with clear boundaries* for yourself.

* To set a boundary: Get in touch with what you authentically want to do, give, say, and then put a fence around it – so you don’t give more than you truly want to.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Return the love the Enneagram Two gives to you! Pay attention to all they’re doing for your team, relationship, or family. Affirm their efforts – and lighten some of their burden – by stepping up to help them. They may never ask for help, but they are sure to appreciate it – and to feel the love.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers an Enneagram Two check out this infographic.

Would you like to activate the superpowers on your team? Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you!

Summer Lovin’: How to drama-proof your life, part 1

Lovin’ Type One: Being Perfect in a Pandemic

2020 has provided enough drama for a decade. We don’t need more of it on our teams or in our personal relationships.

Our summer Enneagram tour provides tips and tools about how to work with – or live as – each of the 9 Enneagram types during the new normal.

Enjoy this week’s Public Service Announcement (PSA) and journal entry from an Enneagram One Reformer:

IF THIS IS YOU:

Understand that perfection is your ultimate goal and that you’ll notice mistakes – and care about them – MUCH more than others. Let people know ahead of time that you’ll be particular about doing it right, and allow some wiggle room and accommodations for inevitable mistakes – early on.

Olivia missed her deadline due to someone else’s mistake. Now she can set up a system to get colleague’s work early, review early, and allow iterative improvement. Someone else’s mistake can trigger solutions instead of snark.

IF THIS IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW:

Please don’t ever say to a One “You did it wrong” or “Why didn’t you?” or “Haven’t you…?” In all likelihood they already noticed any mistakes and are mortified by them. Instead, ask questions and assume the best of intentions. Ones want to get everything just right – including their relationship with you.

To learn more about what empowers and disempowers the Enneagram One check out this infographic.

Are you looking for more insights and tools on how to motivate, engage and lead your team? I’d love to chat with you.

The Hack the Holidays Enneagram Gift Guide

A Reindeer-in-Headlights Guide to Gift Giving

Are you like a reindeer in the headlights when it comes to holiday gift exchanges? Have no fear: The annual “Hack the Holidays Enneagram Gift Guide” is here!

Each of the Enneagram types in your life desires external gifts, but requires internal ones to grow. What if we could give both this year – to ourselves and to others? 

Enneagram One Reformer

All I want for the holidays – and always – is everything in my business and home life to be organized, systematized and process-mapped by color – and ideally, laminated – including my holiday shopping, baking and moments of scheduled merry making.

Gift Ideas: Gifts that help me be more organized, efficient, and do the right thing at the right time: A laminator or personal hand embosser; Peloton Bike; or the book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear.

The greatest gift you can give me: Remind me that the holidays don’t have to be “perfect” to be perfect – and that I don’t have to be perfect to be perfect.

Enneagram Two Helper

All I want for the holidays is… All 184 non-profit organizations that I’m involved with to reach their financial goals. My kids and spouse to get everything on their Christmas wish lists. My team at work to actually, sincerely, participate in the gift exchange with thoughtful gifts – no more last-minute gift cards from Target!  

Gift Ideas:  Anything that shows you’ve thought of me and our relationship: A journal with our fun memories written on every few pages; a WillowTree Friendship Keepsake Box; a Sunday Suppers Recipes and Gatherings Cookbook. Bonus points if I don’t have to tell you my wish list, but you remember something I said months ago that I like.

The greatest gift you can give me:  Love and care for me the way I do you… Remind me that the holidays are for me to enjoy too – that I’m loved without trying to be. 

Enneagram Three Achiever

All I want for the holidays is to reach all of my 2019 goals – personally and professionally – by the stroke of midnight on December 31st and to have a whole new set inspiring me for 2020 by January 1^st.

Gift Ideas: Anything that will take me to the next level in life or business: A personal trainer or certification opportunity; a Full Focus Planner or even better… a Seated Under-Desk Elliptical – which means I don’t have to stop working to work out – my fantasy!

The greatest gift you can give me:  Please remind me that that it’s okay to relax and stop working so hard all the time.  I’m worthy of enjoying the holidays not because of what I achieve, but because of who I am.

Enneagram Four Individualist

All I want for the holidays is authentic expression and connection and romance and depth of feeling– not this commercialized ridiculousness we call Christmas, but an existential exploration of who we truly are as humans on this dying planet. What? That doesn’t sound fun to you?

Gift Ideas: Anything that reflects that you see the real me and that you get me: Original artwork; a book of Haiku written by you about me; Foodie Dice or an authentic Turntable Station and Vinyl Record Stand.

The greatest gift you can give me: To know I belong, that I can fit in and still be special – all at the same time.  

Enneagram Five Investigator

All I want for the holidays is time alone: To quietly excuse myself from the post-meal charades marathon or the sing-along by the fire so I can go work on my latest, greatest project.

Gift Ideas: A Garrett Ace 300 Metal Detector; Cyxus Blue Light Blocking Glasses for Computer Use; Bose Noise Canceling Headphones; Will It Fly?: How to Test Your Next Business Idea So You Don’t Waste Your Time and Money by Pat Flynn.

The greatest gift you can give me:  Remind me to trust myself – to show up without having everything figured out in advance. Including that New Year’s Eve party.

Enneagram Six Loyalist

All I want for the holidays is to know we aren’t headed into another great recession in 2020. (Though I will say, I’m prepared if we do!)

Gift Ideas: Besides an emergency Apocalypse Kit? (Which I already have anyway): A Genuine Leather RFID Blocking Bifold Wallet or Lightweight, Anti-Theft, Waterproof Shoulder Bag also work.

The greatest gift you can give me is support and reassurance. To remind me that no matter what happens in 2020, at the end of the day, I will be okay.   

Enneagram Seven Enthusiast

All I want for the holidays is Freedom! To spend every day of my kids’ holiday break going on a different adventure, Doesn’t that sound fun?

Gift Ideas: I’d like new experiences to explore:  A local drumming or dance class; Airbnb or Southwest Airlines Gift Cards or The Bucket List book so I can dream about 2020 and beyond!

The greatest gift you can give me: Remind me that even if I don’t make it to Bermuda this year, I can be content and fulfilled with what – and who – are right in front of me.

Enneagram Eight Challenger

All I want for the holidays is people to be straightforward adults and speak to me in bullet points and for justice to prevail.

Gift Ideas: I’d like a gift that doesn’t make me feel too mushy – something practical that helps me to feel safe and in control, like a Leatherman Wave Plus Multitool, a new drill set or set of weights, or maybe just a superhero cape. (Just sayin’.)

The greatest gift you can give me: Remind me that there’s nothing wrong with mushy – that vulnerability is a kind of strength.

Enneagram Nine Peacemaker

All I want for the holidays is peace…. No boats being rocked anywhere at any time about anything. Ever.

Gift Ideas: Anything that allows me to enjoy – even more – being comfy at home with my family over the holidays: An oversized pullover or weighted blanket; Ugg Slipper Socks; a Hammock with a stand…

The greatest gift you can give me is to remind me that, even if the boat sometimes rocks during the holidays, it will right itself.

Want to learn more about how the Enneagram can be the gift that keeps on giving for your team? Schedule a consultation call today!

In the meantime, may your holidays shine as bright as your personality!

Happy Holidays!